Overcome Your Ego
"They tell us to forgive and to give chances for their mistakes... but what if you are the one who is forgiven and given a chance?"
Ego is something that is hard to be controlled and to tame. It is literally the food that our inner demons feed upon and with gluttony, it will be beyond our control.
But I have went through a learning experience in which...my ego was wholly challenged. I went to the lowest of lows and I felt as if I am sinking deeper into the bottom of the sea; constantly choking, struggling and suffering. It was until I had to make a choice that I finally decided to face my own ego...my own demons.
Simply enough, I was at the verge of losing two people that I loved dearly - my best friend and my boyfriend. I know, it may seem like a ridiculous thing to consider my 'ego being challenged' but with all the feelings I have for them, it tore me apart. They both told me that I have changed and they were frustrated with my behaviour and attitude. I was as stubborn as a mule and never listened. I took their care and love for me for granted and finally...one by one they told me that they were leaving me.
It was at the moment that I lost both when I knew I had to find a way to survive this pain. I refused to accept the reality many times and just found myself sobbing and crying to sleep every night. I couldn't taste anything I eat...I couldn't laugh with my family...nothing helped.
However, one night...I was lying on my bed in tears when I finally had the thought to find support.
I realised that I am not strong. I felt that I was alone when I lost them but...I was not. I had my family and I had my other friends. I threw aside all my insecurities and judgement and reached out to as many friends that I could. One friend replied my message and despite her own busy schedule, she stayed with me for a few hours, listening to my stories and offering the best advice she could...and the words I needed to hear the most:
"The thing is, you are gonna lose people in this world. Some just...slip through your fingers somehow. But remember, you work on it anyways, then, even if you lose them, it won't feel as if you're not doing anything to keep them in the first place."
Her words told me to be desperate. Make the effort to bring back the people I lost. It taught me to not lose hope and most importantly, to put those people before yourself for once.
I did not lose hope.
A few days later, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't throw me away and he said he loved me. I was overjoyed and felt so grateful that the first thing I did was not contact him, but the friend who supported me. She did nothing extravagant and she is not even close to where I live right now. But her words reached out to me and lifted me up like two physical hands holding onto me...never letting go until I was able to stand up again.
Moral of this story...sometimes, you may not even realise that your ego is controlling you and even change you. The fact that we do not notice is ego itself...we never took the time to mirror our behaviour and actions, thinking that we are perfect. And that is when you will be tested to reel down that ego. It may be a great challenge in life or a small skirmish, but nonetheless, you will find out how insignificant and weak you are.
"If you know your weakness, you can become stronger and kind."
- Gildarts Clive, Fairy Tail
Nobody is alone in this world. Yes, in the end you stand on your own two feet...but when you do fall down, there are people who will hold out their hands to support you back up. You just have to reach out.
So thank you, Rin-chan...your kind and sincere words have given me so much strength and hope and in the end, I managed to get a piece of my lost heart back. I am happier than ever...and I hope you will meet your happiness too soon. InsyaAllah. Thank you so much and may Allah bless you always~
Assalamualaikum & ciao!
